How To Give A Cat A Pill

~How to Give a Cat a Pill~

1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, “That’s a nice kitty.” Drop pill into its mouth.

2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same procedure as in #1, but hold cat’s front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)

5. Again proceed as in #1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat’s mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won’t be able to see what you’re doing. That’s just as well.

6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.

7. If you’re a woman, have a good cry. If you’re a man, have a good cry.

8. Now pull yourself together. Who’s the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position #1, say sternly, “Who’s the boss here, anyway?” Open cat’s mouth, take pill and…Oooops!

9. This isn’t working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.

10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.

11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.

12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13. Flatten cat’s front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman.

15. Resume position #1. Rotate your left hand to cat’s head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.

16. Drop pill into cat’s mouth and poke gently. Voila! It’s done.

17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat’s). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).

18. Take two aspirin and lie down.

**I don’t remember where I got this from, but I had to repost it from an old blog**

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  1. says

    I love the picture of your kitty at the end :)
    I always feel like I annoy people when I post about my furbaby, but I can’t help it! I’m around him all day everyday – he’s kinda like my best friend/kid!

  2. Sarah says

    Actually, giving a cat isn’t as hard as one might think.

    First, wait til the cat is laying on a couch or surface with its head up.

    Second, gently pinch the scruff of its neck. This is how mother cats transports her kittens. Grasping nerves back there will cause the cat to go into a lull. It’s perfectly safe for the cat.

    Third, pry the cats jaws open by pinching the sides of the mouth with your thumb and index or middle finger, while still pinching the scruff of the neck with the other hand.

    Fourth, gently stuff the pill down the throat. I suggest using your dominant hand for this task and the less dominate for the scruff.

    Lastly, while still holding the scruff, massage the cat’s throat, so that the cat will swallow it. Keep the mouth closed for a bit, so that you can have less of a chance of the cat regurgitating the pill.

    And you’re done! This is my tried and true method, for both cats and small dogs. =)

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